2 weeks

2 weeks today...

In some ways it feels like 2 months since I last saw my sister, since we chatted away freely, interrupting each other's sentences, telling animated stories (with plenty of "padding" as she called it), drinking some disgusting healthy concoction I had made for her, while watching our children play their hearts out and giggling about their silliness. I still feel like I'm trapped inside a dream, that I am going to wake up and realise I am once again running late again to fetch her for something...

We had dinner with Adrian and the children again this evening and I still feel as if the first place I should rush when I arrive at their home is into the bedroom, to lie on the bed next to Nix to catch up on her latest downloads from the throneroom of heaven. I loved to hear her explain her revelations in her unique way (I swear Eve, God sent this fly to wake me up in time...It's true - in Jonah it says "...and God prepared a worm..." I just know He prepared that fly...)

I told a friend the other day - None of us chose this walk. But we did choose to find the blessings and gifts along the way. And to know God and have Him walk right beside us in this storm is such a blessing. When we are weak, He is strong. So, it is better to be weak then... I was looking back on some of the blog posts and this is an excerpt from a post written by Nikki on 5 March 2010. It illustrates so beautifully the gift that she found in Father God through her storm...

"The one thing I know, is that I Love and Adore and I TRUST HIM COMPLETELY! I am confident in that whatever I have to go through, I have Him to go through it with, and that is a huge comfort to me! God promises that nothing can separate us from His Love - not Life, nor Death, nor anything else. So whatever we face, we don't have to worry, if He is with us, we are safe! My Dream is that All of you will get to know Him the same way (or more) than I do.."

By now you probably know that music and songs really speak to me. I love this one - it reflects right where I am at now (Nix loved it too, and listened to it often):

I WILL PRAISE YOU IN THIS STORM - CASTING CROWNS

I was sure by now, God, that You would have reached down
and wiped our tears away,
stepped in and saved the day.
But once again, I say amen
and it's still raining
as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain,
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away.

Chorus:
And I'll praise you in this storm
and I will lift my hands
for You are who You are
no matter where I am
and every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to You
and raised me up again
my strength is almost gone how can I carry on
if I can't find You
and as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away

I lift my eyes onto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth
I lift my eyes onto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth

Where to from here?

Where do we go to from here? We have cried buckets, dealt with formalities, said our goodbyes, now (it's almost cruel) life has to go on, although it will never be the same again. Before us (especially for Adrian and his children) lie new decisions, new directions, new routines, new dreams.

For me, the beauty in these ashes is that I can testify to God’s goodness throughout this trial. I didn’t think that I would be able to cope with a loss this great, I didn't think I was strong enough. I'm not. God within is stronger than I could ever be on my own. I can now tell the story of how real, near and merciful Jesus has been to me through this, my worst time in life. Because He has been so real to me, I now know that I could face anything in my life and it would be OK. As Nix used to say to her kids specifically regarding her illness, “It will all be OK in the end, if it’s not OK, it’s not the end”. God is still busy – it is NOT the end. He is using it all for His glory and my prayer is that He would turn this wreckage into Gold.

This song was written by Nicole Olivier for Nikki’s memorial service. It is beautiful and puts so eloquently into words, exactly the place I find myself right now. I especially love that He is the silver lining in our bruised and broken sky (Nix always saw the silver lining – remember that last scan where the doc said “Oh you and your silver lining!”, that silver lining is our God), thank you Nicole:

SONG FOR NIKKI’S MEMORIAL

Jeremy and Nicole Olivier

What words to say

When none will do

Our tears will sing our heart’s lament

And we offer them to You

Come gently heal

And swiftly seal

For You alone above all men

Know exactly how we feel

Let Hope arise, give Your reply

You are the Silver Lining

In our bruised and broken sky

Lift up our eyes, and ease our minds

There is nothing so despairing that

Your hands cannot remould it into Gold

All we have, is all You are

And we know it’s so much deeper than

We’ve tasted of so far

But Lord, we’re weak, and incomplete

Our grieving hearts we lay down at

Your kind and loving feet

Let Hope arise, give Your reply

You are the Silver Lining

In our bruised and broken sky

Lift up our eyes, and ease our minds

There is nothing so despairing that

Your hands cannot remould it into Gold

Yes, brokenness is sweet to You

Like costly jars of rare perfume

We pour ours out all over You

And worship You

And worship You

Yesterday, I was treated to breakfast and the most beautiful facial by my special friends. I was in such a state of relaxation after that, I forgot to update the blog when I got home and I slept so peacefully.

I kept Sydney home from school today - just because she wanted to spend time with me. Sweet. She has been singing her own little composition - "Trust in the Lord, Trust in Me says the Lord", over and the truth of those words is washing deep into my spirit. It has been said "We cannot know the peace that passes understanding until we stop trying to understand". This is where I find myself, as before, right in the middle of His peace. It doesn't seem possible or even appropriate under the circumstances. It is beyond understanding. I choose to simply trust God, not to question. He knows so much better than I do.

Tributes, messages, emails, sms'es are still coming in for my amazing sister - it is wonderful to see how her life has touched so many lives and how God works so uniquely with each individual in the situation. This is from Karen Dawes - our children are school buddies (Elijah and Daniel were in the same class and Jonathan and Sydney last year). I love what she says about Nix as a mother, not many have touched on that aspect but (I said this to her a lot while she was here with us), I have never seen a more natural, phenomenal mother. Because of her unique perspective on life - she just connected with children on their level, understood and loved them deeply. Her children were blessed to have known the love, devotion and understanding of their amazing mother. She challenged me constantly as a mom. I will miss that but will hold on to what I have learned from her...

From Karen Dawes:

I really only knew Nikki in part (compared to you who all knew her so fully, so intimately)... but o howrich my life was for that small part! Thinking back to the few moments I was privileged to share with her (lifting Dan, snatched play dates, gymnastics lifts, birthday parties/teas...), I cannot ever picture her without her beautiful smile...her joy that radiated out of her in spite of all things. That is what I am going to remember most about Nikki. She gave me SUCH a wonderful refreshing look at life around her....I loved her down to earth way of looking at her kids...and the way she just purely loved themand so wonderfully, naturally mothered them. Watching them on Friday, I just know God's got them, He's got them in the palm of his hand and he's got the grace for them. They are not alone...and they never will be. Hannah's sweet sensitive spirit is going to be okay...

The service on Friday... all those beautiful photos of Nix...I wept. I wept for how much of her life I had not known or been a part of. I wept with envy that I had not more time with her. She was larger than life...look at how packed that hall was...she was INCREDIBLE. The depth of the friendships she had blew me away....

I came home wanting my little Savanna-Rose to have a sister, because of how amazing you are sweet Evie. You have loved and fought and given. I honor you sweet lady.

Your whole family...the love you have for one another, the journey God has brought you on, the way in which he has knitted you together. How sweet. How precious.

The power of your testimony, and your dad's, and the friends that spoke and wrote. Indeed, that's how we overcome , by the power of His transformation in our lives, and the blood of the Lamb. It is her life,her life bled out for Christ that has changed and challenged all of us. And I am a better person for having known her, even the little that I did, ...and you...and every member of your family.

This is the glory God gets....

More...

A note from Amanda Power, friend and breast cancer survivor:

To my very special “survivor” friend Nikki,

We have shared a tough journey which not many other women our age have had to endure but it’s given us a special bond and friendship. I will always be so grateful to you, Eve and your mom for your on-going support of me (at various events) which has meant so very much to me.

You have shown me just what it is to be a survivor. You are an amazing and beautiful person and so very, very brave.

I love you and will never ever forget our great dance together at Cancer Survivors Day in July! We were so happy and it was the most amazing experience we had together, I think we both knew that – we were even head banging (ha, ha) – imagine, at 10am on a Saturday morning!

You will always be in my heart and mind. Cancer has no respect for human dignity but with cancer comes wisdom, courage and grace - all of which you most certainly had in abundance.

I know you have travelled safely and are where you need to be, at peace, healthy, happy and smiling down on all of us. I hope you are having a good rest because, my friend, you really do deserve some time out now.

I know you will have “I will survive” playing when I get to heaven one day - and we will have a ball reliving our dance!

With love and admiration always, Amanda xx

And from Lori Filanino, Australia:

My darling Adrian, Eve and every single member of the amazing family,

I am with you in love and in spirit always, especially at this time. This is proving to be harder to write than I thought as I wanted to express just how rich I am for loving, laughing and living life with Nix, my beloved friend.

You do know I wouldn’t have met you all if it weren’t for her! When we met at work, she couldn’t believe I had never been to Noordhoek and met all the phenomenal people she spoke about ALL the time!!! So with not much of a choice, she drove me crazily over Chapmans Peak and decided Afton Grove would be my new home. All I can say is “good on you Nix” as life as I know it changed for the better from that very day!

I have too many fond memories of the madness we made together to mention, but this I know, our incredible love and friendship will last into eternity. Of that I have no doubt.

She taught me so much over the years, but mainly, that God is most glorified in us when we are MOST satisfied in Him. This trust was just so evident in the way she lived her life. Even though she couldn't see it, she walked by faith and gave thanks in all her circumstances, for she knew that this was God's will...

I spoke to her last week and as per usual, our 5 minute chat ended up becoming a 90 minute conversation about just how excited she was having resigned her life and loved ones TOTALLY into the hands of the Lord. Her life is a testimony of unwavering faith, incredible courage and total surrender – what a delight she brought to the Fathers heart and for that she will be walking around balancing about 20 crowns!!!

There are so many stories to tell, most of them too hilarious to explain of our time spent together so I will keep them for when I visit you again. I have emailed you a few gorgeous pics of Nix in action and I can just see her thinking about doing or saying something outrageous in all of them.

I ask you give Hannah and Dan a tight squeezy hug from me and I know Gods amazing grace will carry you when you feel like it’s too hard to carry on. In all this, He is still in total control!

With all my very distant love

Brolly or Yellow Lori as named by my Nix!!!

Another note from Lori...

I forgot to mention, that on hearing of Nix's departure (!) I instantly put on worship and the Spirit led me to a song that I had never previously heard. For whatever reason, it ministered incredibly to my soul as I sobbed, as listening to the chorus I saw Nix worshiping at the feet of her Jesus surrounded worship that we couldn't possible imagine.

I remember so clearly one day, she took a small piece of tissue out of her wallet, unwrapped it (it was actually in the bathroom near her room at Afton) and she said "have you ever seen a mustard seed?" (as she had some tucked away in there) to which I answered "no", even though I had probably made my way through dozens of wholegrain mustard sandwiches without ever noticing!

She continued to tell me she had collected those while she was in Israel, and she said "Lori, look how small they are... and Jesus says we just need faith the size of one of these to move a mountain!" I went back and read that scripture and Jesus says "Nothing will be impossible for you if you have faith, even that small" And nothing was impossible for Nix, not even when I explained to her, every single time she asked me, that I was sure Adrian wouldn't agree to a sleepover when she insisted I slept in the bed... with her and Adrian given the couch!!!

She moved her mountain Evie...
x

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fa8w7mGug0c&feature=related

More Tributes...

This is an image taken of Nix with the girls (L-R) Nikki Boyd, Robyn Harper, Chantelle Van Zyl, Me, holding little Roxy Harper and Sam McKay on Nikki's last weekend with us. It's amazing to see how happy and well she looks in this photo, taken on the Friday before she passed away...

Here are some more of the special tributes from the service on Friday:

From Samantha (Sam) McKay, a lifelong friend:

It is with great honour that I stand in front of you today, to speak to you about Nikki. It is also a little daunting, to try and put to words, something that does justice, to the amazing person that Nikki is. I can’t guarantee that I will deliver this without interruption, so please bear with me.

I don’t believe that there is anybody in this room, who does not have a special place in their heart, dedicated to Nix, and the same can be said for me.

I can’t remember a time when I didn’t know Nikki, we have been friends from an early age and I can say with conviction that I have few childhood memories that don’t include Nikki, Eve, my brothers and a pony. As children, this was how we spent our time, out and about enjoying the freedom and extraordinary amounts of fun that having ponies provided.

And I think that this is how I will always remember Nix, doing something daring on a horse, or dressing up a dog and always having fun.

Nikki was and will remain, in our hearts, an extraordinary person:

· She was a caring friend from whom nothing was ever too much effort and you just have to spend a brief time reading all the posts, to appreciate how many lives she touched and the extent of her reach.

· She was a loving daughter, sister, wife and mother, for Nix, it is clear, that her family meant everything to her

· and throughout her journey, her faith and relationship with God, have been an example to us all

Chris and Weeze, you can be proud to know that you did an incredible job raising your beautiful daughter

To Adrian; Hannah and Daniel are a testament to the brilliant job that you and Nikki have collectively done as parents and are indicative of how close you are as a family.

Eve, you have been a rock, we are so grateful to you for your unwavering dedication and commitment to your sister and willingness to keep us all involved through what have been some very trying times.

Strange as it may sound, there is a piece in the Winnie the Pooh books, that has always reminded me of the relationship between Eve and Nikki, it is a piece of Tigger wisdom, where he is commenting on the nature of boots. He states that the funny thing about boots, is that they travel in pairs and when you find one, you will very likely, find the other . . . and this is how I have always felt about Eve and Nix, where you find the one, you are more than likely going to find the other.

I believe that this remains the case, Nikki will never be far from any of us, always in our minds, always in our hearts, never forgotten.

So, to an extraordinary woman: Nikki Boyd. God Bless and Thank you.

From Tania and Steven Webber, special friends

Dear Nix

Well Nix, we have tried for the last few days to sum up our special friendship and it is nearly impossible. My friendship started with you back in Grade 1, 1981!!!!! And Steven’s over 20 years ago, when we were in Standard 9!!!!!

Steven and I don’t know what we are going to do without our special Nix!!!! We cannot believe that we are up here having to say our goodbye’s.

Thank-you for being our sweet Nix Naks and for always loving us ‘truckloads’. We will never forget the chai tea’s, the suppers, the holidays, the laughs, the fun, the chats, parenthood, the ideas, the tears and the love we shared.

Thanks for always being soooooo super strong, and trusting Jesus your whole life. Thanks for always phoning us when you were listening to some beautiful piano music somewhere and letting us listen over the phone!

We will always remember your desperate need for sleepovers!!! You would always beg us to sleep over, you’d tell us “Adrian won’t mind, we can all sleep in your bed together”. You even tried to get us to sleep over on your honeymoon, when we met you for dinner! I feel so privileged that we got to have a sleep over on your very last night with us!

There are endless funny moments that we experienced together too many too mention………!

Have you ever been invited to a baby shower at a hospital, and been told to dress up as a patient! And then still been dragged out to a restaurant still in your get up, to carry on the celebration! Many heads were turned.

Steven will keep on being Vlokkie’s woobie blanket. We’ll look after him and your precious boydlets in the years to come. Maybe we’ll even get to go on that yacht trip we’ve always talked about.

We made these caps in honour of you Nix. They have one of your latest quotes printed on them “Hair today, gone tomorrow.” One of the funniest things I have seen was After I had finished shaving your hair, I walked into the bathroom to find you had a sheet of contact paper stuck to your head, you were trying to get the last few tufts that the shaver had missed. We would like to pass these caps on to other cancer patients who may lose their hair, so that we can share a little bit of Nix around. Who knows maybe we’ll get a whole lot made and give them to the sunflower ward.

We also did one more ‘webbersish’ thing and left packets of NikNaks on the food table, in honour of your love of CHIPS!

Huge Humungus hugs

Niatan and Mungry!!!!

From Chantelle Van Zyl, our "surrogate sister":

Nix was always full of life and spontaneity. She didn’t hold back in the way she lived and always gave whole-heartedly. And this story encapsulates just that:

While I was working and living in London 12 years ago, my sister and I went to Cambridge for a couple of days. My cellphone battery went flat early on in our trip and when we got back to London on the Sunday evening I had about 10 messages – the first few from Nix and the last few from Adrian (they weren’t married at the time). All the messages asking me to call them urgently. Nervously, wondering what could have happened, I called Nix’s phone and Adrian answered and asked if I had heard from Nix yet. Concerned, I said “No …. Why?”! And he told me that Nix had spontaneously decided the day before that she was coming to visit me for a few days and that she should have just landed in London – this was all much to Chris, Louise and Adrian’s dissatisfaction of Nix not being organised and her ‘host’ not knowing that she was even coming. When we met up later that evening and had a good laugh, I asked her what she would have done had I stayed on in Cambridge, and she said “Oh, I would have made a plan, and it would have been an adventure!

I have taken my que from Nix and am following through with what Nix’s desire and heart for others was at the prayer meeting, Thursday 2 weeks ago.

Nikki so often told me that her desire was for people to experience her God and His love and compassion for them. And I know that Nikki would count this all worthwhile if she could end up dancing in Heaven with them one day.

There is no doubt, just looking around today, that she has touched hearts through her courage and faith.

Sometimes God allows what he hates to accomplish what He loves. He allows suffering so that His glory can be revealed. And I know that Nikki would be delighted if her suffering could be used to accommodate God’s glorious purpose somewhere, somehow.

Joyce Heatherly once wrote that real Christians know that sometimes the only way that the world around them will ever see Christ is through the fiery flames of our own trials and suffering – and we certainly saw Christ in Nikki’s unwavering faith in Him even to her very last breath. The furnace that Nix experienced refined her into the purest gold and allowed those around her to catch a glimpse of Jesus.

Nix let Christ take over: The weaker she became, the stronger Christ in her became, until he was carrying her. I have seen that in these last 3 years Nikki and her family have probably walked the closest they ever have with Christ.

And I now have incredible peace knowing that Nix is having the time of her life, laughing and playing up an absolute storm and that Heaven is that much richer for their new arrival.

She lived without holding back while she was with us and I’m sure she’s doing the same now. She lived her life in honour and praise of God and it was an absolute privilege to have walked besides her in friendship these last 22 years.

...Me again....

And, lastly, I leave you with a link to a song on You Tube which is just lovely (thank you for sending Lori). Enjoy...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fa8w7mGug0c&feature=related

Tributes

From Robs in London:

My Darling Nixi

In this tender moment of sadness and reflection, I wanted to send through just a few words to honour you and the life that you lived to the full.

Among the many hilarious moments we shared, fun friendship times we enjoyed, serious and silly conversations we engaged in, meals we enjoyed, journeys we took and holidays we had, I'm at absolutely no shortage of stories and memories.

But my favourite memory is this one . . .

When we were travelling in Israel and I had injured my leg and was doing that whole trip on crutches. The one morning we had a bus to catch to our next destination, and we were running late. We were trying to run to the bus stop, but I couldn't run with my heavy backpack and with those crutches. You came along and took my backpack and carried it to the station for me - your backpack on your back, and mine on your front! You looked top heavy and I was sure you would topple over. But you didn't. You ran, and kept the bus driver from driving off, till I hobbled my way there.

The reason that I feel that that story is significant, is that it is such a reflection of your character. Throughout your illness you remained a person who, despite having your own enormous burden to bear, was still able to remain focussed on other people. You endured your own pain with such strength and dignity.

I am so grateful that God orchestrated things such that I could be with you on your last weekend in this world. I will never forget you suggesting to the 4 girls who were around you that we should jump on your bed to "Dancing Queen".

And as I said to you on Sunday, I'm so proud of you, you are my hero, and I love you very much.

I will miss you Sweet Nix.

***********

From Penny in Port Elizabeth:

I wanted to share some things with you both and I thought I’d pop them down and email them off to you while they are fresh in my mind and before it gets too late.

On my last visit with Nix I remember a conversation I had with her. She said she had been reading this amazing book about Heaven and it had been such an encouragement to her as she knew she’d get to ride horses in heaven one day and how she no longer felt this desperate feeling.

This made me pickup a book I had been reading a while back and that I’d love to quote a piece from it that has brought me such comfort:

I’m standing at the seashore. A ship at my side spreads her white sails to the morning breeze and starts for the blue ocean. She’s an object of beauty and strength and I stand and watch her until, at length, she hangs like a speck of white cloud just where the sea and the sky come down to mingle with each other. And then I hear someone at my side saying, “There, she’s gone.”

Gone where? Gone from my sight, that is all. She is just as large in mast and hull and spar as she was when she left my side. And just as able to bear her load of living freight to the place of destination. Her diminished size is in me, not in her.

And just at the moment when someone at my side says, “There, she’s gone,” there are other eyes watching her coming, and there are other voices ready to take up the glad shout, “ Here she comes!”

And I can just imagine Nix arriving in Heaven and saying these 3 words in absolute wonder and awe “Oh ... my... scone ! “

What a privilege to have been introduced to Nix all those years ago in England by Pastor Louis. I shall be eternally grateful to him as my life is so much richer and fuller and definitely more fun having known someone as beautiful as Nix.

There are not many people that can make you laugh for days, months or even years over a simple word like ‘ssssthhhucculent’ or 4 simple words ‘looks like a snake!’ .

Not many people have the guts to push a car across De Waal Drive in peak hr traffic and then be totally un-phased as she convinces a man in a Porsche to please tow us over Ou Kaapse Weg and home to Afton Grove! This is what I loved so much about Nix – she had no fear of man... she knew her God. She shared her faith in her Jesus with such unashamed ease and confidence. The very life and light of Him shone through her to others.

She had an ability to pour courage into people – A real gift. Always believing the best in others and showing them how much they are loved and accepted by God through her amazing attitude and capacity to love others.

Nix’s positive attitude and always seeing the brighter side of life is something so many of us remember. The saying ‘Take lemons and make lemonade’ literally applies to Nix as I remember visiting her and Evie in a small dismal little ‘copy paste’ (as she called them) terraced apartment in London some 16yrs ago. We were all saving like crazy for our travels and there weren’t many luxurys. As she opened the front door that day, she said with a big grin on her face! “Guys, I’ve made Lemonade !!” Nix had found a lemon tree somewhere in that little bleak garden (or possibly the neighbours) , and made a jug of the most delicious lemonade.!! That is just the essence of Nix isn’t it: - she seemed to always encourage us on to live life and live it in abundance regardless of our situations.

I’m sending you guys some pics I’ve found. Boy I have laughed and cried as I sat on my bed surrounded by these memories. Many of them don’t actually feature Nix in the picture. The reason I have worked out is she was generally the one behind the camera, choreographing the photo shoot and somehow convincing me .... “Yes Pen, just put your knickers on over your jeans and let’s see what that looks like...” or “put some curlers in your hair and I’ll take some pics of you in this car”, it always seemed like a great idea at the time. I think what Nix took more pleasure in was watching someone loose themselves in utter unrestrained abandonment than actually how daft they looked!

I will miss her.

**Should you have any special memories of our Nix that you would like to share with us at this time, please email them to me on eve@maxitec.co.za**

Goodbye...

We gathered yesterday to say goodbye to our precious, darling, wonderful, larger-than-life Nikki. The service was such a beautiful tribute to her memory. To say I was overwhelmed is such an understatement.

The auditorium was beautifully adorned with fairy lights and Irises, the lights were dimmed and everyone was given a copy of the most beautiful memorial programme, designed by a very special friend, Nicole Olivier. There was a slideshow and a audio presentation (thank you Pete and Werner) which were so moving. It was just beautiful, perfect, no short cuts - just the way Nix would have done it herself. Some people chose to dress up in crazy outfits or bright colours as a tribute to Nix - she would have loved it (there was a chicken, a banana, a fairy, and a crazy bunny / elf / clown - Ainslie, what actually???). Our church family and close friends have served us tirelessly over the past week (in fact 3 years) and they put in such effort to make the service so special. They took care of all of the arrangements and stress at this emotional time. What blew me away most was how well they knew Nix and knew what would honour her best. I just love you guys. We have been so blessed with meals, a birthday party for my Sydney today, flowers, cards, messages, practical items, love and support - we couldn't ask for more. Thanks are not enough - we are so grateful.

I was one who stood up to talk, to tell Nikki's message. Among the many stories we heard about Nikki’s unique perspective on life, some of her classic funny moments and sayings, her incredible, witty mind, her crazy sense of humour, her amazing creative talents, her incredible gift with graphic design and photography, her amazing bond with animals, her love for people and her ability to make the most of any situation, I wanted to be sure to get her message across to the people, the true passion and the very important mission of her life. I have published it below:

Standing up here to talk at this incredibly emotional time in my life is one of the most difficult things I can imagine doing. My heart is shattered, I feel like the sunshine has gone from my life, but despite the way I feel, I wanted to be sure that Nikki’s message was told today.

Nikki was my baby sister by only 13 months so we have always been incredibly close. Growing up, people used to confuse us all the time and call us the wrong names. There is nobody with whom I have spent more time in my life. We were always the best of friends. We lived together and travelled together. Her friends were mine and mine were hers. We were in each other’s lives every day. We shared our secrets and dreams and cared deeply for each other. When we were little, we always talked about owning a property together with two houses on it so that we could all live together. We used to design this dream home on pieces of paper, complete with stables for the Hanoverians, a foaling box and an indoor school. Many who know us know that we came as a “package deal”. So much so that when my husband, Pete wanted to ask me out for the first time, he didn’t know quite how to verbalise that the invite was only for me and not for Nix this time. It took us a little while to catch on…

It has been such a privilege to walk alongside my sister these past 3 years, to learn from her, to be challenged by her. She has filled so much of my life. Our children are more like siblings than cousins. She delighted in our precious Megan and Sydney and I always said nobody understood Megs the way she did. They had a special bond. It’s like they were on the same wavelength and she would so appreciate every little thing about her and loved to recall stories about life from Megan’s perspective. She just delighted in every little thing Sydney did, especially the way she speaks. It would melt her heart in a second. I will so miss the impact she would have had on them growing up and am so grateful for her input so far. So - Life without her will be a HUGE adjustment for us all.

But what I would really like to share about today, what she would like me to share - is her story of her faith and trust in God throughout her life, which was especially evident in these last few difficult years. Faith is believing in what is UNSEEN.

One of Nikki’s most outstanding attributes was her incredible attitude towards her illness. Her cancer was misdiagnosed for almost 2 years while she was treated for rheumatoid arthritis. By the time they finally picked it up, the primary breast cancer had metastasised to the liver, bone and lymph. Never once did she look back with bitterness or regret, never did she blame the doctors for missing it. She always chose to stay positive. Never once did I hear her complain and say “Why Me? In fact, when asked by somebody at one time whether she ever thinks that, she replied, “Well - Why not me?” Almost every conceivable medical test and procedure and condition Nikki faced, most of them awkward and painful, were met with her unique sense of humour and carefree attitude. She never made a drama out of any of it, but just continued to roll with the punches she was dealt. She kept upbeat and positive and was always so kind toward the staff who were assisting her, bringing her brand of humour into their difficult world – all the way through. If ever she faced a weak moment where she felt overwhelmed by the enormity of what she was carrying, which was rare, she would allow herself 2 minutes to cry it out and then she would pull herself together and carry on. She always said that worrying and crying wouldn’t or couldn’t change a single thing, so why waste that time when you could be playing Scrabble? Every day, she chose not to look at the circumstances around her, but to look to God who is so much greater. He gave her the strength and the perspective she needed to carry on. Nikki has always been lead and directed by the peace of God in her heart. I saw this on so many occasions. She wouldn’t look at facts and figures for the big decisions she needed to make, she waited for the peace in her heart and went with that.

If Nikki had one wish for today, she would want every person in this room to encounter and know the love of Jesus in the very real way she did. I think that when you walk a road like she has these last years, you get to lean on Father God and come to know Him on such a deep level. Her relationship with God and her revelation of Him was astounding, beautiful. He was her rock, her sure foundation, her comfort and her strength throughout her struggle, and her life speaks powerfully of that.

Many times she told me that she believed this illness was for God’s glory - and so it was. She believed that her illness gave her a platform to share her faith openly with others, where normally people may have thought she was a bit of a nutty fruitcake Christian and may have been easily offended, they would listen to her now, because she was so sick. So, she saw this as the most wonderful gift. She said it was all she had ever wanted – the opportunity to speak out openly and without judgement about her love for Jesus and what He meant to her.

After the prayer session we held here only two weeks ago, where she spoke so powerfully, her health took an immediate turn for the worse. She would not have had another opportunity to speak out the way she did that day and with the pain she was dealing with at the time, it was a miracle that she was able to be here at all that day. She was so grateful for that time. I was with her that same evening as she writhed in pain. I was massaging her back and her tummy to try to bring some relief and as she lay there, she cried as she said, “Evie, I just LOVED that, seeing all those precious, precious people, it’s all I ever wanted. I love them so much, I just wanted the opportunity to tell them about my Jesus. I just pray that they have the opportunity to know Him the way I do”.

Nikki often said to me that if her faith through her illness and death brought just one of those precious people to know Christ, it would all have been worth it. She was victorious to the end.

I was privileged to have been there with my beautiful sister, her precious Adrian and our family and close friends as she went home to Jesus on Tuesday morning. I know it will sound strange for me to say this but it really was such a special time for all of us who were with her. The presence of God was so thick and tangible in that room, it was one of those moments that you take a snapshot of in your mind and you treasure forever. I spent most of the morning cuddled up next to her, holding her head in my arms and tickling her hair as I wept and sang over her. I had committed to fighting the fight for her until the end and as I sang and prayed, I looked out of the window into the garden, and, for the first time in my life, I heard the audible voice of the Lord saying so kindly “she’s coming home, Sweetheart”. There was such a sense of peace in that room and the presence of God like I have never felt it before, absolutely no fear. I just wanted to stay there. I saw a clear picture of God, dancing joyfully over her, I saw His absolute delight in her. She lived to glorify God and was such a valiant soldier, I know He is delighted in her. In His kindness, our Father arranged it so that she was surrounded by her favourite people and the sound of worship all around her as she went. As she lay unconscious, and her breathing slowed to a halt, I noticed the tiniest tear in the corner of her eye – she was truly fulfilled and her life’s mission on earth was complete.

Her death was not defeat or failure, she lived her life victoriously, she used every opportunity she was given to God’s glory, right to the end. Her life goes on in eternity.

Shortly before she died, she read 2 amazing books about heaven, and she started to get so excited about her new home. If God created this earth in just 7 days, can you even begin to imagine what awaits us there??? Our God is so creative and I think that heaven changes every day. How amazing must that be? I can only imagine the enormous crowd of witnesses that were there to welcome her home that day and I would love to have known what words would have come out of her mouth at the sight of our Father and heaven’s glory.

Recently, I posted a song on the blog called “The Way I was Made”, I mentioned that the song had been a challenge to Nikki. But, when I chatted with her about it a few days later, she corrected me saying that the song hadn’t actually challenged her, but rather, it had encouraged her. She already lived her life like that, to the fullest in every area and it encouraged her to keep on. The chorus goes like this:

I want to live like there's no tomorrow
I want to dance like no one's around
I want to sing like nobody's listening
Before I lay my body down
I want to give like I have plenty
I want to love like I'm not afraid
I want to be the man I was meant to be
I want to be the way I was made

Nikki leaves behind an incredible legacy for her family and generations to come of life lived to the fullest in every area, of faith and complete trust in God through the darkest times in her life. What a benchmark she set, what a challenge to the rest of us.

Jeremy is going to sing a song now called “All my Days” (words printed below). This was one of her favourites, she played it often and I think it speaks so beautifully of the passion of her life, which was to know and love God and to become more like him. In the words of MercyMe, "You'll never know why you're alive until you know what you would die for." Jesus was so incredibly real to her and He can be to you too. She would want you to know that today. You can know Him in the same way she did, He is only a decision away.

More than 30 people we know of made that decision at the service yesterday. May the passion of Nikki's life, our Lord Jesus Christ, challenge and change these lives and many more for His cause.

All my Days - Rita Springer

When my life is through
Lord I hope that you
Will be pleased with me
And in whatever came my way
In all that I’ve been through
I held on to you

For the voice of the Shepherd I will follow
The hand of my friend I will take
The hem of your garments I will kiss Lord
For all my days
For all my days

When in the darkest time
You have been my find
And I can’t repay
You’ve saved me with your love
Washed me in the blood
And I will obey

Here am I so in Love with serving you
Bending low to bow before the king
My desire is only just to please you Lord
My desire is simply to obey