Goodbye...

We gathered yesterday to say goodbye to our precious, darling, wonderful, larger-than-life Nikki. The service was such a beautiful tribute to her memory. To say I was overwhelmed is such an understatement.

The auditorium was beautifully adorned with fairy lights and Irises, the lights were dimmed and everyone was given a copy of the most beautiful memorial programme, designed by a very special friend, Nicole Olivier. There was a slideshow and a audio presentation (thank you Pete and Werner) which were so moving. It was just beautiful, perfect, no short cuts - just the way Nix would have done it herself. Some people chose to dress up in crazy outfits or bright colours as a tribute to Nix - she would have loved it (there was a chicken, a banana, a fairy, and a crazy bunny / elf / clown - Ainslie, what actually???). Our church family and close friends have served us tirelessly over the past week (in fact 3 years) and they put in such effort to make the service so special. They took care of all of the arrangements and stress at this emotional time. What blew me away most was how well they knew Nix and knew what would honour her best. I just love you guys. We have been so blessed with meals, a birthday party for my Sydney today, flowers, cards, messages, practical items, love and support - we couldn't ask for more. Thanks are not enough - we are so grateful.

I was one who stood up to talk, to tell Nikki's message. Among the many stories we heard about Nikki’s unique perspective on life, some of her classic funny moments and sayings, her incredible, witty mind, her crazy sense of humour, her amazing creative talents, her incredible gift with graphic design and photography, her amazing bond with animals, her love for people and her ability to make the most of any situation, I wanted to be sure to get her message across to the people, the true passion and the very important mission of her life. I have published it below:

Standing up here to talk at this incredibly emotional time in my life is one of the most difficult things I can imagine doing. My heart is shattered, I feel like the sunshine has gone from my life, but despite the way I feel, I wanted to be sure that Nikki’s message was told today.

Nikki was my baby sister by only 13 months so we have always been incredibly close. Growing up, people used to confuse us all the time and call us the wrong names. There is nobody with whom I have spent more time in my life. We were always the best of friends. We lived together and travelled together. Her friends were mine and mine were hers. We were in each other’s lives every day. We shared our secrets and dreams and cared deeply for each other. When we were little, we always talked about owning a property together with two houses on it so that we could all live together. We used to design this dream home on pieces of paper, complete with stables for the Hanoverians, a foaling box and an indoor school. Many who know us know that we came as a “package deal”. So much so that when my husband, Pete wanted to ask me out for the first time, he didn’t know quite how to verbalise that the invite was only for me and not for Nix this time. It took us a little while to catch on…

It has been such a privilege to walk alongside my sister these past 3 years, to learn from her, to be challenged by her. She has filled so much of my life. Our children are more like siblings than cousins. She delighted in our precious Megan and Sydney and I always said nobody understood Megs the way she did. They had a special bond. It’s like they were on the same wavelength and she would so appreciate every little thing about her and loved to recall stories about life from Megan’s perspective. She just delighted in every little thing Sydney did, especially the way she speaks. It would melt her heart in a second. I will so miss the impact she would have had on them growing up and am so grateful for her input so far. So - Life without her will be a HUGE adjustment for us all.

But what I would really like to share about today, what she would like me to share - is her story of her faith and trust in God throughout her life, which was especially evident in these last few difficult years. Faith is believing in what is UNSEEN.

One of Nikki’s most outstanding attributes was her incredible attitude towards her illness. Her cancer was misdiagnosed for almost 2 years while she was treated for rheumatoid arthritis. By the time they finally picked it up, the primary breast cancer had metastasised to the liver, bone and lymph. Never once did she look back with bitterness or regret, never did she blame the doctors for missing it. She always chose to stay positive. Never once did I hear her complain and say “Why Me? In fact, when asked by somebody at one time whether she ever thinks that, she replied, “Well - Why not me?” Almost every conceivable medical test and procedure and condition Nikki faced, most of them awkward and painful, were met with her unique sense of humour and carefree attitude. She never made a drama out of any of it, but just continued to roll with the punches she was dealt. She kept upbeat and positive and was always so kind toward the staff who were assisting her, bringing her brand of humour into their difficult world – all the way through. If ever she faced a weak moment where she felt overwhelmed by the enormity of what she was carrying, which was rare, she would allow herself 2 minutes to cry it out and then she would pull herself together and carry on. She always said that worrying and crying wouldn’t or couldn’t change a single thing, so why waste that time when you could be playing Scrabble? Every day, she chose not to look at the circumstances around her, but to look to God who is so much greater. He gave her the strength and the perspective she needed to carry on. Nikki has always been lead and directed by the peace of God in her heart. I saw this on so many occasions. She wouldn’t look at facts and figures for the big decisions she needed to make, she waited for the peace in her heart and went with that.

If Nikki had one wish for today, she would want every person in this room to encounter and know the love of Jesus in the very real way she did. I think that when you walk a road like she has these last years, you get to lean on Father God and come to know Him on such a deep level. Her relationship with God and her revelation of Him was astounding, beautiful. He was her rock, her sure foundation, her comfort and her strength throughout her struggle, and her life speaks powerfully of that.

Many times she told me that she believed this illness was for God’s glory - and so it was. She believed that her illness gave her a platform to share her faith openly with others, where normally people may have thought she was a bit of a nutty fruitcake Christian and may have been easily offended, they would listen to her now, because she was so sick. So, she saw this as the most wonderful gift. She said it was all she had ever wanted – the opportunity to speak out openly and without judgement about her love for Jesus and what He meant to her.

After the prayer session we held here only two weeks ago, where she spoke so powerfully, her health took an immediate turn for the worse. She would not have had another opportunity to speak out the way she did that day and with the pain she was dealing with at the time, it was a miracle that she was able to be here at all that day. She was so grateful for that time. I was with her that same evening as she writhed in pain. I was massaging her back and her tummy to try to bring some relief and as she lay there, she cried as she said, “Evie, I just LOVED that, seeing all those precious, precious people, it’s all I ever wanted. I love them so much, I just wanted the opportunity to tell them about my Jesus. I just pray that they have the opportunity to know Him the way I do”.

Nikki often said to me that if her faith through her illness and death brought just one of those precious people to know Christ, it would all have been worth it. She was victorious to the end.

I was privileged to have been there with my beautiful sister, her precious Adrian and our family and close friends as she went home to Jesus on Tuesday morning. I know it will sound strange for me to say this but it really was such a special time for all of us who were with her. The presence of God was so thick and tangible in that room, it was one of those moments that you take a snapshot of in your mind and you treasure forever. I spent most of the morning cuddled up next to her, holding her head in my arms and tickling her hair as I wept and sang over her. I had committed to fighting the fight for her until the end and as I sang and prayed, I looked out of the window into the garden, and, for the first time in my life, I heard the audible voice of the Lord saying so kindly “she’s coming home, Sweetheart”. There was such a sense of peace in that room and the presence of God like I have never felt it before, absolutely no fear. I just wanted to stay there. I saw a clear picture of God, dancing joyfully over her, I saw His absolute delight in her. She lived to glorify God and was such a valiant soldier, I know He is delighted in her. In His kindness, our Father arranged it so that she was surrounded by her favourite people and the sound of worship all around her as she went. As she lay unconscious, and her breathing slowed to a halt, I noticed the tiniest tear in the corner of her eye – she was truly fulfilled and her life’s mission on earth was complete.

Her death was not defeat or failure, she lived her life victoriously, she used every opportunity she was given to God’s glory, right to the end. Her life goes on in eternity.

Shortly before she died, she read 2 amazing books about heaven, and she started to get so excited about her new home. If God created this earth in just 7 days, can you even begin to imagine what awaits us there??? Our God is so creative and I think that heaven changes every day. How amazing must that be? I can only imagine the enormous crowd of witnesses that were there to welcome her home that day and I would love to have known what words would have come out of her mouth at the sight of our Father and heaven’s glory.

Recently, I posted a song on the blog called “The Way I was Made”, I mentioned that the song had been a challenge to Nikki. But, when I chatted with her about it a few days later, she corrected me saying that the song hadn’t actually challenged her, but rather, it had encouraged her. She already lived her life like that, to the fullest in every area and it encouraged her to keep on. The chorus goes like this:

I want to live like there's no tomorrow
I want to dance like no one's around
I want to sing like nobody's listening
Before I lay my body down
I want to give like I have plenty
I want to love like I'm not afraid
I want to be the man I was meant to be
I want to be the way I was made

Nikki leaves behind an incredible legacy for her family and generations to come of life lived to the fullest in every area, of faith and complete trust in God through the darkest times in her life. What a benchmark she set, what a challenge to the rest of us.

Jeremy is going to sing a song now called “All my Days” (words printed below). This was one of her favourites, she played it often and I think it speaks so beautifully of the passion of her life, which was to know and love God and to become more like him. In the words of MercyMe, "You'll never know why you're alive until you know what you would die for." Jesus was so incredibly real to her and He can be to you too. She would want you to know that today. You can know Him in the same way she did, He is only a decision away.

More than 30 people we know of made that decision at the service yesterday. May the passion of Nikki's life, our Lord Jesus Christ, challenge and change these lives and many more for His cause.

All my Days - Rita Springer

When my life is through
Lord I hope that you
Will be pleased with me
And in whatever came my way
In all that I’ve been through
I held on to you

For the voice of the Shepherd I will follow
The hand of my friend I will take
The hem of your garments I will kiss Lord
For all my days
For all my days

When in the darkest time
You have been my find
And I can’t repay
You’ve saved me with your love
Washed me in the blood
And I will obey

Here am I so in Love with serving you
Bending low to bow before the king
My desire is only just to please you Lord
My desire is simply to obey