Hair today, gone tomorrow (round 2)

I find myself in a place where I am so aware of my need for God every moment of every day and I feel so blessed and rich because I know Him and can feel Him carrying me through my ups and downs as I walk beside my lovely Nix.

I cried buckets today. Not because Nix is sad – never does she seem to camp long enough with self pity to cry over herself or her circumstances. But, this week she began to lose her hair again (Her reply to the assault is, “So what!”). The doctors have warned that this time the hair loss, as a result of the high doses of radiation she received on her brain, will most likely be permanent. So, I feel like I’m mourning the loss of her hair on her behalf. It just seems so cruel that on top of everything else, she be stripped of her hair. To many of us, just this one obstacle would be more than we could handle. To Nikki, it’s just a tiny pebble at the foot of the mountain that she has to face daily.

I suppose it is also a bit of a reality check for me. For some time now, she has seemed her normal self again, with the high doses of cortisone numbing the pain in her body, her hair growing back so thick and strong and her energy levels (boosted by the steroids) urging her to make the most of every opportunity, we have been able to carry on, living for today, probably in a bit of denial – which is actually great for coping on a daily basis.

I share this not because my faith is moved but because I want to be authentic and I want you to know where we are all at as a family. My soul is firmly anchored in God and I still have the peace and assurance that He is in control of everything, as do Nikki and the others. He is not rattled by our emotions. He continues to be the same faithful Father. Again, I am so aware of Philippians 3:8 –

“What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ – the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith.”

And of this little quote (not sure whose it is):

“Only one life, it will soon be past. Only what’s done for Christ will last”

Living the High Life...

Nikki has certainly been celebrating life since being back on Cortisone. The steroids have helped to relieve her joint pain so much and she has been moving around so much more easily - she is almost back to the point (joint-wise) that she was at a few years ago before she became ill.

As I mentioned before, Friday was the last day of her radiation program. As usual, she has made such good friends with all of the staff in the radiation unit, she will probably miss her daily trek out to Pinelands to catch up on their latest news. She designed and printed personalised labels on to mugs for each of the staff in the unit to thank them for their amazing care during her time there.

This weekend was very special for us. We had Samantha McKay (was Legg) our lifelong friend (who is more like a sister to us) come and visit from Joburg. It was an adventure down memory lane as we relived some of our loveliest (and more embarrasing) memories from the past.

We lived it up on Saturday - starting with cuppucino at a gorgeous little coffee shop in Chelsea, Wynberg, followed by a stroll along the Greenpoint promenade after which our moms joined us for High Tea at the Mount Nelson! All of our senses were indulged - from the plush sofas to the loveliest live piano music and, of course, the f-o-o-d. As hard as we tried, we were simply incapable of sampling one of everything on offer, but we certainly gave it our best shot!! More fun and laughter as we remembered our childhood and our funnier & scarier moments with our ponies and horses. Here are some pics of us at "The Nellie":

We spent the rest of the evening together at the Boyd's home and then Sam and Sandra joined us again for our traditional family lunch this afternoon at Afton before Sam had flew back to her sweet family in Joburg (sniff, sniff...). It is so good to be around people who know you and whom you know and understand you so well - it's so easy, even though we live far apart - we just pick up where we left off before and it's always so good. Thank you Sammy - you will never know how much it meant to Nix to have you here. Thank you, thank you....xxx

Our friend, Werner Stadler (Natural Photography), has uploaded some of the images of our family photo shoot to his Facebook page. If anyone wants to have a look there, the link is: http://www.facebook.com/#!/album.php?aid=242618&id=597178893

Last Week of Radiation

Nikki has completed the first of 2 weeks of intensive radiation on her brain. This coming week is the last of the radiation after which she will have reached the maximum lifetime dosage for radiation on her brain. SO, please join with us in praying that every ounce and milligram of cancerous tissue is obliterated in her brain with this last week of radiation. Also, please continue to agree that she will keep her hair which is looking so gorgeous and thick - it has grown back completely differently to the hair she had b.c. (before chemotherapy!) which was straight and fine. It is thick and has a slight curl to it and suits her beautifully.

She is struggling a bit with the after-effects of the previous round of radiation on the breast. The skin under her arm is literally black - it is so badly burned and it is very, very painful. The medical staff were a bit alarmed when she showed them what it looked like and have given her some dressings and ointment to apply. Please pray that this will heal and clear up quickly.

She is ABSOLUTELY AMAZING... (as we already know) but anyone who has had the privilege of accompanying her to her daily treatments will testify to this story. She has the most positive outlook of any person I know and carries with her the very strength, joy (the bible says "the joy of the Lord is our strength"!), love and peace of God and is a shining light wherever she goes. Here is just one example (one of many): Our wonderful pastor Mark and I drove her through to hospital for treatment on Thursday and when she entered the waiting area for radiation, she cheerfully greeted all the other patients and staff (as she does) and then sat down next to a gentleman whom she had been chatting to the day before. Within moments his wife (who has cancer and is undergoing radiation treatment) was in tears and clinging to Nix from her wheelchair. When I looked at this lady, I saw fear unlike anything I have ever seen in Nikki or my precious friend Sarah who walked the same road a few years ago (both know/knew peace beyond understanding in spite of their circumstances). It was like she was so desperate to know the peace that Nikki knows and was clinging to her as if her life depended on it. As Nikki began to encourage and pray for this fearful lady, I visibly witnessed the fear leave her and the peace of God flood her body as God ministered is incredible love to her through Nikki. It was amazing, miraculous. And I had the privilege of being part of it and seeing it for myself.

I loved this quote which I read in a book recently:

You do not have to sit outside in the dark.
If, however, you want to look at the stars,
you will find that darkness is required.
The stars neither require it nor demand it.

Anne Dillard