Where to from here?

Where do we go to from here? We have cried buckets, dealt with formalities, said our goodbyes, now (it's almost cruel) life has to go on, although it will never be the same again. Before us (especially for Adrian and his children) lie new decisions, new directions, new routines, new dreams.

For me, the beauty in these ashes is that I can testify to God’s goodness throughout this trial. I didn’t think that I would be able to cope with a loss this great, I didn't think I was strong enough. I'm not. God within is stronger than I could ever be on my own. I can now tell the story of how real, near and merciful Jesus has been to me through this, my worst time in life. Because He has been so real to me, I now know that I could face anything in my life and it would be OK. As Nix used to say to her kids specifically regarding her illness, “It will all be OK in the end, if it’s not OK, it’s not the end”. God is still busy – it is NOT the end. He is using it all for His glory and my prayer is that He would turn this wreckage into Gold.

This song was written by Nicole Olivier for Nikki’s memorial service. It is beautiful and puts so eloquently into words, exactly the place I find myself right now. I especially love that He is the silver lining in our bruised and broken sky (Nix always saw the silver lining – remember that last scan where the doc said “Oh you and your silver lining!”, that silver lining is our God), thank you Nicole:

SONG FOR NIKKI’S MEMORIAL

Jeremy and Nicole Olivier

What words to say

When none will do

Our tears will sing our heart’s lament

And we offer them to You

Come gently heal

And swiftly seal

For You alone above all men

Know exactly how we feel

Let Hope arise, give Your reply

You are the Silver Lining

In our bruised and broken sky

Lift up our eyes, and ease our minds

There is nothing so despairing that

Your hands cannot remould it into Gold

All we have, is all You are

And we know it’s so much deeper than

We’ve tasted of so far

But Lord, we’re weak, and incomplete

Our grieving hearts we lay down at

Your kind and loving feet

Let Hope arise, give Your reply

You are the Silver Lining

In our bruised and broken sky

Lift up our eyes, and ease our minds

There is nothing so despairing that

Your hands cannot remould it into Gold

Yes, brokenness is sweet to You

Like costly jars of rare perfume

We pour ours out all over You

And worship You

And worship You