I'm back!

I'm back!  The past months I have felt like I am in a time warp.  Many times I have wanted to update this blog site but mostly, I find it a very emotional and vulnerable place to be.  In the first three months after Nikki's passing, there were so many "firsts" to process.  It felt like a year of grieving squashed into a quarter of a year!

Till now, honestly, I've not had the emotional capacity to update the blog or to continue to dig up memories of Nix as I had intended to do.  It all still feels so raw - like scratching at an open wound.  It is a very vulnerable place to be.  Many of my theories and ideas have been challenged and I have truly found where my hope is anchored and where the foundation of my faith is laid.  When all is stripped away, you find your true self.  You find what really matters.  And you begin to build again.  I have felt God's love, assurance, comfort and protection like never before in this place.  I have found that all that matters in this life is Him - and seeing His glory revealed.  If we see everything we encounter / walk through in our lives from that perspective, it changes us.  It is NOT about me.  It is not about my will or my requests or my comfort.  It is about Him - and I fully trust in His will and His plan.

Over the past few weeks, I feel that we have all turned a corner in our grieving.  Adrian and the children sold and moved out of their family home - the only home they have known together as a family and the first home Nikki and Adrian moved into after they were married.  So it was a big step for them.  We finally were brought to the point were we HAD to sort out all of Nikki's things - a process that was as comforting and therapeutic as it was painful.  I almost felt like I had spent time with her again - being surrounded by so much of her.  We found her old "cow / pig / horse / pants" t shirt that she bought in England and became known for - and had a good laugh.  The smell of her perfume, the sight of her favourite pieces of clothing evoked deep emotions in all of us.   Packing the rest of the house was also emotional - so much "Nix-ness" was still in the home which made small decisions one would usually find easy into big challenges.  Praise God we made it through the other side of that mountain.  I have never seen Adrian look quite as exhausted as he did on the last day of the move.  It had long been a dream of both Nikki and Adrian's to build a home in "The Lakes" in Noordhoek and they plan to do just that.  Daniel is very excited about being able to go fishing every day from his front garden!

Tomorrow would have been Nikki's 37th birthday (another "first" for us), so please continue to carry us all in prayer as we remember our precious and unique Nix on that special day.

Thank you all again for your amazing friendship, love and support though everything.  We love you!

P.S.  For those who don't yet know, Adrian has put up a "Nikki Boyd Memorial" page on Facebook where you can go and view photos, posts from friends and have your own say too.