Visiting Nix

NOTICE: If you would like to visit Nikki, you may do so at her home between 3 - 4 pm in the afternoons. Please keep visits short and cheerful and be sensitive to her and those around her. Thank you all for your love, prayers and support which mean the world to all of us now. Nix loves her people and would love to have you around her at this time. xxx

It is incredibly hard for me to write this post. Nikki's condition is deteriorating hourly now. She is having difficulty moving, eating, drinking and is no longer lucid. I spent most of today with her and feel like the time that passed from this morning until now was a week long.

We said goodbye to our precious friends Sam and Robs as they flew home to their families this evening. Their time here was so refreshing, deep and memorable - thank you so much guys, that time meant more than I can say in words. (A memory I will never forget was bouncing together on the bed to "Dancing Queen" at Nix's request on Friday afternoon. It was the highlight of her day. She said that she always thought of us when she watched that part of the movie and it made her laugh so we re-enacted it for her).

Huge thanks to Ainslie, Chan, Steven and Tania and Mark who were such a support to us today. And my darling husband - I am so grateful for him, he is such a rock in my life. Please continue to uphold us in prayer tomorrow, as things are not getting any easier. Tania has the children tonight but they are staying home from school tomorrow and will spend time with their mom and dad tomorrow morning. I know it will not be easy for them to see her this way and they will have plenty of questions. Please hold Adrian up in prayer - my heart is breaking anyway, but when I look at him, I just feel like it is being ripped apart. My precious Sydney turns 5 on Thursday. She has been looking forward to her special day for months and has been counting down the days on the calendar. It's really difficult to think of a birthday when you're facing all this. I will have to do some explaining to my children tomorrow too and will take them to see Nix.

I was encouraged by this scripture sent to me today: “When my spirit grows faint within me, it is you who knows my way.” (Psalm 142:3)

This post was supposed to have been published yesterday morning but I obviously wasn't thinking straight then so this is Saturday's news:

We spent the morning in the Emergency Unit at Constantiaberg with Megan. It turns out she has fractured the bone just above her elbow on her left arm. Unbelievable! She is such a trooper and they have put a back slab cast onto the arm and strapped it. She needs to see an orthopedic surgeon on Monday.

Our friend, Sue Vincent, who is also a dietician came to see Nikki to give her some advice on what to eat at this stage. Conveniently, we were at the hospital with the arm story and could pick up some of the things she recommended. Nix enjoyed drinking them and they seem to be helping loads - thank you so much Sue.

Nix did not have a good morning - she has been in a lot of pain. So we stayed away and allowed her to rest as much as possible. Queenie and Pops had her children today. Ours are at home, Megs is resting her sore arm which is now also heavy (because of the plaster cast) and itchy because things always itch when you cant scratch them!!

The girls spent a lovely afternoon with Nix - basking in the sunshine on her bed as she dozed. I think she enjoyed the buzz going on around her without feeling the pressure to join in the conversation.

Please keep praying for God's grace to carry us through this time, especially for Nix - I don't know how much more her tummy, legs and feet can swell - she is so uncomfortable and battles to move or turn herself in bed. It's so incredibly hard watching her suffer this way.

Time for an update after the last few hectic days. This week has been the longest one of my life. I CAN NOT believe it was only a week ago that Nix was admitted to VP.

Nikki decided yesterday to come home and leave behind her all the chemotherapy, poking, prodding and 5 am wake up calls (seriously, someone actually came in at 5am yesterday to take her waist measurement!!!). For the first time in 3 years, she is chemo free! It is a big step in faith but she has such a peace about it. She tires very easily and is still in a lot of discomfort from her swollen tummy and organs, legs and feet. She is so happy to be back in her home and with her beautiful family again. She is continuing to take morphine to ease the pain a bit.

Andy and Hilda (Adrian's folks) arrived home yesterday after 3 days travelling back from Sabi Sands where they were holidaying with Adrian's brother and family. It is so good to have them back.

Our gorgeous friend, Sam McKay arrived today from Joburg to visit and Robs, Chan, Sam, Nix and I (and sweet little baby Roxy) spent a really special afternoon together. I think it did her precious soul good to be surrounded with great friends. Robs and Sam are both here for the weekend and head out on Sunday. It is such an amazing blessing to have them here with us at this time.

As regards visiting now that Nix is back home, we are going to have to limit visiting time to similar times as they have in the hospital - 2 short slots in the day - as more than that is exhausting for her. At this stage, still only family members and the friends who have come to visit from afar. We will see how she is doing after that. Please continue to send SMS'es / texts or comments on the blog. I will pass them on to her. We can read them to her from her phone too but please understand that she is not in a condition to reply to messages at this time.

OK, I'm signing off now. In addition to the Nikki story, our little bunny Leila was killed by our neighbour's dogs yesterday, seriously upsetting the flow of family life in our home. Then, Megan fell off the pony today and it looks like she may have broken or fractured her arm. (Because I was with Nikki and our friends this afternoon, Pete and I only got to hear about it at about 7pm and she is in a lot of pain. We have been advised to strap it and have given her some serious pain killers as apparently the hospital will not do anything about it till the morning anyway). So we will wait to see what tomorrow brings. Never a dull moment...give me strength!

Chan and I went through to see Nikki last night. When we left her, we went to collect our friend, Robyn (lives in the UK) and her 6 month baby, Roxy from the airport. They have come to visit for 4 days (yay!!)

We had such a lovely time with Nix - yesterday was a hard, emotional day and she is faced with some big decisions again. Her tummy has swollen up again after the tap done the day before yesterday and she is once again feeling like she is going to explode. They did a bile tap this time, inserting a pipe through her nose into her stomach to tap some fluid off that way. From what I gather, it was not a pleasant experience. She is now thinking that she would prefer to leave all the pa lava behind and just be at home again. She has such faith to believe God for a miracle and we would ask that you all join us in believing for this too.

We prayed with her and left her to sleep praying that she would be guided by the peace in her heart this morning.

I would like to share an excerpt from another letter sent to us by a lady who attended the prayer / praise meeting for Nix last week and I thought I would share it today. (I love to share these things as they give a glimpse into who Nikki is, the courageous fight she has fought and continues to fight, and how she glorifies God through her story, which is her life's goal):

"...No doubt about it God felt honored and in turn He has honored your family with a burden of rejoicing which not many would be able to carry. It was an extraordinary celebration of living life to the full which Nikki has chosen to do just as Christ did. This enabled the Holy Spirit to touch many through her. Her young life has been well used for His Glory turning negatives into positives, tears into laughter, sickness into healing and health, sadness into joy, mourning into rejoicing something which was meaningless into something meaningful, loss into gain.The victory of the cross was so very evident through all of this that I wish that many more could have observed what we did.

It was a privilege to be one of those who witnessed how Father God has enabled Nikki and Adrian, Eve and Pete, and the two of you plus the wider family not to mention the children to march fearlessly in victory,power and glory. Praise His holy name..."

It's late (I have been at a meeting till now) but I thought I should post an update since i didn't get to do one last night.

I spent a few hours with Nikki and Adrian today, while she was waiting her turn for a CT scan, ultrasound and Acites tap. Her legs and feet are now very swollen and she is battling to take in liquids. The scans revealed that there was no blockage in the bowel or colon. The doctors decided to do another Acites tap as they felt the fluid could be putting pressure on the other organs. This time she was high on morphine and didn't feel as uncomfortable as the last time they did the tap (phew!). They managed to drain 3 litres of fluid from her abdomen. She was too drugged up to tell anyone whether she felt better at the time. But the latest report from Adrian this evening is that she is feeling much better. Yesterday, the doc was not sure whether her body would tolerate more chemo at this stage, but today it seems he has decided to start her back on the chemo tomorrow (he thinks the chemo may keep the swelling at bay) and, if all goes well, she should be allowed to come home in the next few days. Hallelujah!!!!

I was so moved by the words of this song that we sang at church on Sunday. I have watched Nikki live these words visibly. I thought I would share it:

Precious cornerstone, sure foundation
You are faithful to the end
We are waiting, on You, Jesus
We believe You're all to us

CHORUS: Let the glory of Your name be the passion of our hearts

Let the righteousness of God be a holy flame that burns

Let the saving love of Christ be the measure of our lives

We believe You're all to us

Only Son of God sent from Heaven
Hope and mercy at the cross
You are everything, You're the Promise
Jesus, You are all to us

When this passing world is over
We will see You face to face
And forever we will worship
Jesus, You are all to us

Supernatural Support

Nikki looked much better when we went to visit her in hospital today. She was sitting up in bed and was so happy to see her children. The doctors have still asked us to keep visitors to a minimum though. Her oncologist was off for the weekend so she will see him again tomorrow morning and he will make some decisions then about where to proceed from here.

I have had many people comment on how strong Nikki is and how she has handled this whole ordeal so bravely, which is true. I have also had comments from people about my own strength and courage in this situation. From my side, I usually reply that I walk daily in God's grace, strength and peace... The truth is that both Nikki and I as well as our families have witnessed God's incredible goodness and faithfulness and provision for us in the middle of this storm (Psalm 117:2 "For His merciful kindness is great toward us"). I have often had people ask me how it is that we are so strong and so brave.

Our pastor, Mark, used 2 Chronicles 16:9 as one of his scripture references in his sermon today, and this scripture suddenly opened up for me (I love it when that happens). It reads:

"For the eyes of the Lord range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him."

So that's the answer then: When our lives and our hearts are committed to Him, He strengthens us supernaturally. He strongly supports a heart that is completely His. I am talking about mighty, supernatural support. Supernatural enabling is available to us as His children. That is the strength and support we know.

Psalm 46:1: "God is our refuge and our strength, an ever-present help in trouble."

Psalm 34:19: "A righteous man may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all."

Note that trouble in life / a need for strength and support in these passages (and many like them) is assumed. Knowing God in the centre of these inevitable troubles / trials is the greatest blessing. When we face something this big, something way beyond our own strength and power, we can walk in His strength and allow Him to fully support us. And I am so thankful for that! I have no idea how we would find the strength out of our own resources.