Nikki's abdomen is swelling daily. She is very uncomfortable (she compares it to feeling 12 months pregnant - Pen you would know the feeling!) The doctors have prescribed morphine now which she can self administer. She took her first dose this evening so I will wait to hear how her night went and if there were any interesting dreams... She is booked in for another Acites tap at 1.30 pm at Vincent Palotti hospital tomorrow to drain off some more fluid. Among the myriad dreadful tests, injections, pokes and prods she has experienced in the past 3 years, this one was by far the worst for her. I will be driving her through for the test tomorrow (pray for me too please, this is the most difficult thing I have had to face in my life. By God's grace I stand but I am in need of so much of it right now).

The most amazing thing about Nikki is her sharp wit and her crazy sense of humour. She can be lying in the most awkward position, racked with pain and she thinks of the funniest thing to say. (I would love to mention one of the examples from today, but I don't think any would be appropriate to share on this blog! I'll keep you guessing then...) With all of these odd and scary things happening in her body, she never fails to find the funny side, find a pun or a reason to laugh. She just keeps us so grounded in all of this. I just love her to bits.

Please pray for God's grace and strength for brave Nix tomorrow, also that this blimmin' tap would be more effective than the last one was, also that the medical aid would finally approve her next course of treatment to relieve this swelling (sigh...)

I have posted some images below of Cancer Survivor's Day which my mom, my aunt Maylon, Nix and I attended about 3 weeks ago where Nikki was dancing up a storm. The top pic is taken of her dancing with Linda, who is a breast cancer survivor and a special friend whom she met through this walk and the pic below is taken with fellow Fish Hoek-ite, Amanda Power, who is also a breast cancer survivor and who now talks, and campaigns for breast cancer awareness.

Urgent call to prayer

This is an urgent call to prayer on behalf of our lovely Nikki. As I sat with her this afternoon, she felt that time is critical. She felt that we needed to pray and worship as they did in the days of old before commencing battle. They sent musicians ahead of the troops singing "Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good and His love endures forever". We believe that instead of focusing on the circumstances, we should focus our eyes on our God who is so much bigger than anything we face here on earth. The battle is His.

So we will be meeting to worship and pray on Thursday at 3 pm at Valley Christian Church, Fish Hoek (above the OK furniture store). This meeting is open to ANYONE who is available / keen / able to come and pray / worship with us. (Please spread the word). It is not a scheduled church meeting, VCC have very kindly made the venue open to us for this purpose.

These are some of the scriptures Nikki has held firmly in her heart for a number of years now as she has walked this road. We continue to believe these promises for her:

Psalm 91 (This she calls her "911 prayer")

¹ Those who live in the shelter of the Most High
will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
² This I declare about the Lord:
He alone is my refuge, my place of safety;
he is my God, and I trust him.
³ For he will rescue you from every trap
and protect you from deadly disease.
⁴ He will cover you with his feathers.
He will shelter you with his wings.
His faithful promises are your armor and protection.
⁵ Do not be afraid of the terrors of the night,
nor the arrow that flies in the day.
⁶ Do not dread the disease that stalks in darkness,
nor the disaster that strikes at midday.
⁷ Though a thousand fall at your side,
though ten thousand are dying around you,
these evils will not touch you.
⁸ Just open your eyes,
and see how the wicked are punished.

⁹ If you make the Lord your refuge,
if you make the Most High your shelter,
¹⁰ no evil will conquer you;
no plague will come near your home.
¹¹ For he will order his angels
to protect you wherever you go.
¹² They will hold you up with their hands
so you won’t even hurt your foot on a stone.
¹³ You will trample upon lions and cobras;
you will crush fierce lions and serpents under your feet!

¹⁴ The Lord says, “I will rescue those who love me.
I will protect those who trust in my name.
¹⁵ When they call on me, I will answer;
I will be with them in trouble.
I will rescue and honor them.
¹⁶ I will reward them with a long life
and give them my salvation.”

Psalm 118

¹ Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good!
His faithful love endures forever.

¹⁷ I will not die; instead, I will live
to tell what the Lord has done.

Psalm 139

¹ O Lord, you have examined my heart
and know everything about me.
² You know when I sit down or stand up.
You know my thoughts even when I’m far away.
³ You see me when I travel
and when I rest at home.
You know everything I do.
⁴ You know what I am going to say
even before I say it, Lord.
⁵ You go before me and follow me.
You place your hand of blessing on my head.
⁶ Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too great for me to understand!

⁷ I can never escape from your Spirit!
I can never get away from your presence!
⁸ If I go up to heaven, you are there;
if I go down to the grave,^[a] you are there.
⁹ If I ride the wings of the morning,
if I dwell by the farthest oceans,
¹⁰ even there your hand will guide me,
and your strength will support me.
¹¹ I could ask the darkness to hide me
and the light around me to become night—
¹² but even in darkness I cannot hide from you.
To you the night shines as bright as day.
Darkness and light are the same to you.

¹³ You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body
and knit me together in my mother’s womb.
¹⁴ Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!
Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.
¹⁵ You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,
as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.
¹⁶ You saw me before I was born.
Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
Every moment was laid out
before a single day had passed.

¹⁷ How precious are your thoughts about me, O God.
They cannot be numbered!
¹⁸ I can’t even count them;
they outnumber the grains of sand!
And when I wake up,
you are still with me!

Psalm 27

¹ The Lord is my light and my salvation—

so why should I be afraid?
The Lord is my fortress, protecting me from danger,
so why should I tremble?
² When evil people come to devour me,
when my enemies and foes attack me,
they will stumble and fall.
³ Though a mighty army surrounds me,
my heart will not be afraid.
Even if I am attacked,
I will remain confident.

⁴ The one thing I ask of the Lord—
the thing I seek most—
is to live in the house of the Lord all the days of my life.

¹³ Yet I am confident I will see the Lord’s goodness
while I am here in the land of the living.

Sun-day

Nikki was feeling much better today after a good night's sleep last night (after 3 consecutive sleepless nights before that). We had our usual family lunch together at Nikki and Adrian's home this afternoon. It was good to be together, warming ourselves in the sun, feasting on Adrian's culinary delights (he REALLY makes a good stew!)

Nikki's tummy is still very swollen and they are once again faced with some big decisions regarding her treatment going forward. Please continue to pray for good rest for her, the pain and swelling in her abdomen to subside and for clarity regarding the decisions she needs to make.

MOST IMPORTANTLY: Nikki asked me to please pass on a message from her - to say she is so thankful for all your loving, concerned and supportive messages via email and SMS. Please understand that she is not in a position to answer each of them personally at this stage.

More news as and when it happens (as they say!)...

The Way I was Made

Nikki is back home from hospital. She came home last night. She is feeling better after they drained 1.5 l of fluid from her abdomen. It was a long day of tests and poking and prodding and she was looking forward to getting into her own bed to rest (I think we all know that hospitals are NOT the place for rest).

Haven't chatted to her this morning yet but will update with more news when I know more.

I thought I would include the lyrics of a song that was playing on my iPod when we were at Shelley Point recently - they really spoke to Nix and challenged her. She has shared them with most people she has met with since then. It is such a wonderful challenge for all of us. From Chris Tomlin's song, The Way I was Made:

I want to live like there's no tomorrow
I want to dance like no one's around
I want to sing like nobody's listening
Before I lay my body down
I want to give like I have plenty
I want to love like I'm not afraid
I want to be the man I was meant to be
I want to be the way I was made

Made in Your likeness, made with Your hands
Made to discover who You are and who I am
All I've forgotten help me to find
All that You've promised let it be in my life...

Nix has still been in a lot of pain today, especially in her abdomen. She phoned the Doc this morning and he asked her to come in to the hospital so they could do some more tests and drain fluid from the abdominal cavity - it has been very swollen. They will also do a CT of the lungs and a bone scan and any other tests the doc feels necessary. I was with her about an hour ago. She took some coritsone shortly before I arrived (for the swelling) and that seemed to help the pain in general so she was much happier by the time I got there.

So she and Adrian have just left for Vincent Palotti and she will most likely spend the night there. Please pray with me for God's hand and His peace to be on her through it all and for a good report from the tests.

The hamster is doing well - swollen but hardly any pain!

Just to let you all know my op went well today, glad it's behind me now - thank you for all your prayers and messages!

Nix's pain has been a bit better since getting a script for some pain medication from the Doc. She was battling with nausea today. I wasn't able to chat to her today as I actually wasn't able to chat at all (amazing, I know, but true - they managed to shut me up!). But despite the nausea, she was still able to send me witty guinea pig messages...

CT Scan and more...

Nikki went for a CT scan of her abdomen last week and met with the Doc on Friday for her results. Before the meeting, as always, she had her bloodwork done and then we had a bit of time to wait before her appointment.

Over coffee, she shared with me how she knew that the news was not going to be good. She had been through a difficult (painful and emotional) week and a number of friends had rallied around to pray with her just the day before the doctor's appointment where she really experienced a breakthrough in this time of prayer and was released from the pain that had been gripping her head for the week. She was in a very positive place and challenged me to laugh with her at whatever results were revealed - just to come in the opposite spirit of this sickness and it's symptoms.

So, when the oncologist said "I am afraid I don't have good news for you", all I could manage as I looked across the room at my beautiful, courageous sister's face was a smile and 2 thumbs up, although my heart was shattered to pieces inside. The CT scan revealed that the disease has now spread into the lungs and there are some more spots on the liver. As the doctor looked at me, I saw there were tears in his eyes and that started mine off... He told Nix that she could stop taking the oral chemotherapy that has been playing such havoc with her feet. She declared, "Oh yay! No more pills!!" to which he responded, "Oh you and your silver lining!" This once again sums up Nikki's incredible attitude.

The doctor always knew that there was a limited time for her to stay on this chemotherapy drug as it eventually becomes resistant to the disease. He is now not certain of where to go with her treatment at this stage. He will be meeting with a panel of oncologists on Wednesday to discuss her case and to make a decision on this. Please pray with us for Godly wisdom for the doctors as they meet together on Wednesday. Nikki will need to go for another CT scan of the chest area as well as a bone scan in the next week or so to get more clarity on the extent of the disease.

Nikki was in a lot of pain over the weekend and today, mainly in her head and in her abdomen. It is very difficult to see her in such pain. I am not sure whether this pain is because she has stopped all the drugs for now. We called the doctor and they have prescribed a pain killer for her for the interim until they have had their meeting. Please pray for peace to prevail in her heart and home and for the pain to go. It is also really difficult to stay positive and faith-filled when you are experiencing symptoms like she is. I feel that this is the time for us to rally around her and to cover her in prayer.

In the last few days, I have been encouraged by this scripture from 2 Chronicles 20:15 - "Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours but God's"

God's people were facing annihilation by a vast army (much like Nikki's fight against cancer). As they moved in obedience to him and went out singing "Give thanks to the Lord, our God and king, His love endures forever", the Lord set up ambushes against their enemies and defeated them all.

We praise God and thank Him for His incredible love for us, which overcomes all things!

Psalm 5:12 - "For surely, O Lord, you bless the righteous, you surround them with your favour as with a shield"

Thank God, we are highly favoured!

Oh yes - My mom goes in to have x rays on her arm on Wednesday and to meet with the doc regarding her progress in that area (we are praying for a good report) and I am going in to have my wisdom teeth ripped out of my skull (lovely! Nikki is already calling me colourful names like "Hamster Holloway" and guinea pig) so please keep us in your prayers too - So much appreciated :-)